When I was younger I grew up seeing how one persons kindness could touch another , I saw these examples every day in my parents , my grandparents and other members of my immediate family.
As a youngster I never really understood the concept of what it really meant to give unselfishly or without wanting anything in return , because my understanding at the time was based on the thought “ wow mommy and daddy are nice that’s why they have so many friends”. If you know my parents as seventh day Adventist back in the day every sabbath our house was jam packed with individuals who always knew they would never get sent away without a nice meal on a sabbath afternoon. It didn’t matter if my mom had to prepare what was meant for Sunday dinner , she would never let anyone know she simply would always say “you Caan be mean wid food” and alas Sunday dinner would become a feast for the guest. The examples set were good ones in their own right but as a child looking on I believed that if i was kind , then everyone would be happy and I would always have friends but as I grew older and I saw people change my view became muddled. I started to wonder what was the sense behind caring for people if they would forget the good that you had done for them. There is a saying that goes “ if you play with puppy , puppy turn round bite you”,this saying began to shape a toxic mindset in me and I started to think that “ if I help somebody and they treat me like crap after , mi done wid them”.
You see it might seem as if I went from “kindness= friends all sunshine and rainbows” to “puppy muss bite you” overnight but I did not I however witnessed a series of actions that made me question at a young age if it was worth it to be kind at all. I remember one thing very vividly I was eight going on thirty at this point but I had a friend who was two years older than me but we were close because our mothers worked together and trust me when I say my mother is a natural mother because many children passed through her hands. “My friend ended up at my house many evenings because the supposed “sitter” was essentially mean, none the less my mom washed and fed that child without complaint evening after evening. As a child I was excited to have my friend at my house but at the same time I learnt a lesson that a “real mother” not only cares for her own children but also has a soft spot for all children. Behind that great lesson I also learnt that kindness and being caring does not always mean that you keep the friends you care for. My moms “friend” (and I say friend lightly because a real friend does not purposefully hurt another) in the midst of their falling out spread a nasty rumor. The rumor not only hurt the their friendship but hung a shadow over the friendship of two children. I can’t even begin to count on one hand the situations my father has found himself in , in the name of helping others but I can tell you , he has been robbed , lied on and disgraced in the end even after giving the last in his pocket.
I was bitter as I watched all these events unfold and I asked countless times “ why do you guys keep taking people into your house” , “ why do you give a second chance when this individual might rob you again”.
My father told me one day after my incessant protesting that “ I do not help anyone to get anything in return , I help because as a child of God I try to walk in the way of God himself therefore I cannot see a brother or sister suffering and I have the means to help and I turn a blind eye”. That statement struck me but I was still hung up on the attitude of the person or persons I’ve watched my parents help when they were back on their feet. Because of these weird experiences I was a witness to sometimes I saw people and I had the means to be of assistance but I turnt my head. I know I am not the only one who has experienced this but the attitudes of individuals can be so discouraging and I carried that discouragement as a rock in my heart for a long time. Later on I came to the understanding that I wasn’t responsible for the actions of people and neither can I control them so why should the ungratefulness of someone I can’t control stop me from doing something I am passionate about?. You may be asking why share this very long opinion but here is the thing many of us have chosen to not be kind by simply offering a smile or a one patty or a one change because you have probably did it before and it either wasn’t received well or the person acted brand new after the fact or your kindness was thrown back in your face. The truth of the matter is if you are helping or offering assistance because you are seeking something in return leave it alone you will never receive that which you are seeking and be fulfilled.
When you give with the best intentions you begin to worry very little about who likes you in the process because all you will be focused on is fulfilling a need you can help to fulfil. We should all live by the motto that we don’t help because of what we can get in return but rather because it is the right thing to do .
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